All lycraed up and slathered in sunscreen from head to toe, I felt the tendons in my shoulder tearing away from the rotator cuff even as I reached frantically for the escaping kayak: first afternoon, first activity, first moments of 4 1/2 hours as water patrol and instructor at the kayak station at Longmen Camping Ground, northern tip of the island, Taiwan. Arghh!

Cass and I were both tasked with the Grade 8 camp this year, after a heroic 15 years in a row for my stoic and brave wife. Even when she was 15 years younger, this would have been some test of the mettle. The sun seared throughout, the schedule of activities was brutal and relentless, and the constant vigilance and interaction with kids and adults alike, unrelenting. I knew it was quite awful, but until I personally experienced it, I had no real idea! It was regarded as the hottest camp ever by the double decade veterans, and we both guzzled and sweated litre upon litre of water and slopped on buckets of sunscreen from morning till night.

My activity schedule began, as mentioned, with an overly long stint in the water, basically rescuing novice kayakers in groups as they drifted downriver with the current by shouting instructions and often towing them back upstream. I was pretty exhausted by the time the first evening arrived, but flabbergasted to hear the camp sprukes saying that the camp really doesn't start until tomorrow....maybe for you it doesn't!

I was then tasked with accompanying the 10 km hike up the Tsao Ling Trail each morning. This took 3 hours and involved clambering up stone steps similar to our own Tienmu Gudao, without the intensity but about 6 times longer, before a precipitous drop to the ocean flats on the other side of the island: yes, it actually went from one side of the island to the other! My afternoon duty was similar to the kayaks on the first day, but this time at a different stretch of the river in the tidal confluence near the beach. I was the water patrol on my stand up paddle board (SUP) as coteries of students attempted to master the quite difficult skill. Again, much of this time was spent rescuing the uninitiated or uncoordinated from getting swept away in the current! More afternoons of 4 1/2 hours in the water, and we repeated these morning and afternoon activities for three days in a row!

Cass meanwhile was negotiating the seashore hike combined with snorkeling. This is even more arduous on the knees than the long hike over the mountains, as there are multiple sections of stairs going both up and down. It's also boiling hot as the sun blazes away on the rocky shore, heat radiating from the boulders beneath and shade-less trails stretch away interminably along the shore. Cass also had to work on the food prep teams for breakfast, getting up at 5.30, and also the supper, which meant she didn't get to sleep till 10.30 at night. This was combined with assisting to prepare the entire evening meal on the Tuesday and Thursday night.

Despite the fact that we were slaving away on enervating tasks or treks, we were still expected to supervise areas of tent living or game activities as the kids prepared for meal times. Later in the evenings, the compulsory fun and evening entertainment (usually in the form of dances or other physical movement) was seemingly also compulsory for the adults, as no-one was officially rostered off. It seemed bizarre at times, and certainly catered for the various "Kings of the Kids" who were among our number!

Our one solace was a rudimentary cabin with air-con that we could share, with a little ensuite bathroom. What luxury it was! The only trouble was that the only time we got to be in there we flopped down unconscious within seconds. I needed to spend one night in an airless tent with temps hovering around 40 degrees which was tough on my injured shoulder, and of course I got the obligatory wake-up call in the middle of the night from some needy kids!

Despite the privations we all experienced, the kids were quite amazing. There were precious few complaints and most of the kids made a massive effort at completing new and difficult physical challenges. I was really quite in awe of most of them and just occasionally disappointed by a few of them.

As an antidote to the dirt, sweat and tears of camp, we dusted ourselves off for a bit of 5 star dining at Il Mercato, Tienmu's newest and greatest Italian cuisine restaurant. We were served delicately at timely intervals by attentive, professional staff. The food was sublime and the pampering appreciated: why, by the time Monday rolled around today, we were just about feeling normal again.....(just about!)

Photos: camp stuff and its antidote!
Here is the camp photo album

Graves clung to the sharply graded mountainside in gleaming granite and gold clusters as far as the eye could see to the east and west. They rested in dozens of stacked tiers, as vertiginous drops to the river valley below made it seem as if we were soaring eagles, lords of the dead, masters of the Dharma Drum Mountain!

We'd retrieved the silver bullet from the depths of her slumber in B3 of her sleek new carparking abode and ventured across to familiar territory of the Jinshan township and coast on the northernmost tip of the island. It's always an interesting and occasionally frustrating drive. The roads weave their way up and down impossibly steep inclines and slice through forests and waving grasses. Drivers are alternatively cautious and almost catatonic in the face of the narrow, strangely cambered roads, and overtaking areas are almost non-existent: best to sit back and enjoy the (slow) ride!

The surf, as expected, was dead flat and not even enticing for a swim, despite the fact we'd both come armed with swimmers just in case. We drove around the usual spots to check, but decided to adjourn to the coastal 7/11 for a spot of convenience store lunch. After a stop at some wetlands to spy on a flock of resting egrets, we followed a tour bus halfway up the nearby mountain and discovered a fantastic, dragon themed temple all on its lonesome. Having just finished the latest series of "Game of Thrones" it was uncanny to see the dragons festooned above, and slithering around columns and carvings! We headed further up the mountain via another route and eventually arrived at a spot we'd never been before, the grave sites perched overlooking the magnificent view of Jinshan town and beach, the Dharma Drum Mountain.

Religious chanting was being piped through speakers at strategic points and the grounds and grave surrounds were impeccably tended and beautiful with sculpted trees, manicured grass and inventive artwork. We could see beyond Jinshan to Little Yeliou and further on to the tunnel heading towards Green Bay. From our vantage point we could really see how much Jinshan has grown: it's quite the thriving country township now and has developed from a bucolic coastal village in our time here on-island. We clambered up several flights of steep concrete stairs to stare in wonder at the grave sites: there has been a lot of money spent here! Some had sculptures and rest areas, some even had picnic spots where the family could gather at cute granite stools and tables to enjoy a meal in the company of the departed!

We motored on further through the hillside community at rest, marveling at the views, the money spent, and the ongoing fees that must be necessary. There were guides and attendants everywhere and, as already mentioned, the gardens and community areas were tended fastidiously. It was a fascinating insight into what people with pots of money do in Taiwan to honour their dearly departed!

We took the tourist route back out of town and ended up skirting the river on the "wrong" side until we emerged on the mountain road near our favourite gabion in the form of a rhinoceros. We stopped to give him a pat, as it is a number of years since we've paid him a visit!

On Saturday, we'd done all our shopping jobs and gone down to Sogo where we ate an afternoon lunch/dinner of delicious pizza at the Italian restaurant on the top floor. We checked in at Uniqlo and I scored a couple of T-shirts dirt cheap as the winter clothes are now swelling the racks. I was disproportionately ecstatic to get a plain navy t-shirt with a tiny embroidered Mickey Mose logo on the pocket: childhood memories are strong sometimes! I'd also been down at Patio 84 on Friday to watch my adopted team, The Richmond Tigers score their first semi-final win in 16 years....happy days indeed, despite our slight pangs of regret that Cronulla got knocked out in the league: we enjoyed cheering for them at the Olympic Stadium this time last year!

Photos: Virg is finally enjoying the massaging pillow we got to ease her arthritis pain...she's a slow learner! Patio shot, pizza and lots of pics from Dharma Drum Mountain and surrounds. The shot of Cass with the bikes is interesting: the runaway success of Taipei's Youbike system has spawned some rivals....these are Smartbikes which can be picked up and left anywhere (not just at a docking station) with a swipe of an app on your phone!

 Hamstrings straining and shins screaming, "The Steps" were wreaking havoc on my spoiled calves, knees and thighs as well. How could this well trod path be inflicting so much damage and pain? Don't we have some sort of understanding? I believe we do, but it doesn't entail a couple of months off, swanning around doing 6 km walks up to Strezlecki and back on cambered pathways and steel meshed steps: this is the real deal!

As brutal as it was, it was great to challenge the Tienmu GuDao once again, and even though I managed a very sluggish pace, the summit was reached and the path navigated before heading back down. The stone was slick with rain and runoff, a soup of fallen leaves making each step a hazard as the water spilling from the pipe up top gushed down beside the path creating quite a frenzy of liquid excitement. Eddies and whirpools whizzed at intervals, and torrents thundered downhill at breakneck speed . There was no-one much around which was a real bonus: I don't think many were crazy enough to attempt the climb in the misting rain, with the rock so skiddy and the temperatures roasting and steaming.

Cass demurred on the opportunity to join said expedition (I can hardly imagine why given the explanation of the conditions, can you?!) and we had an otherwise uneventful and relatively lazy weekend as the rain spat and worried outside on Saturday, before settling into an annoying and uncomfortable heavy drizzle on Sunday. The temperatures maintained their lofty heights of late, meaning the heat and the dampness combined to boil us like xiaolongbao in a bamboo steamer! Once again, we were thankful for the fact that our airconditioners could suck a lot of moisture out of the air as well as cool things down.

Our clothes couldn't dry and Cass had things hanging all over the house "Chinese Laundry" style (appropriately) because our dryer has now joined the long list of appliances which have "ceased to co-operate"! Another fix-it call needs to be rehearsed then launched!

Cass enjoyed the latest installment of her book club on Friday night at one of their favourite haunts, "Sonnentor", but they were devastated to learn that it will be closing at the end of the month! Despite the fact that they always seem to have healthy patronage and excellent turnover, they seem to have decided to concentrate on their static food outlets, patisserie style rather than restaurant style. The group will need to sniff out another suitable venue: one thing that was so good about this place was, apart from the delicious fare, that the managers didn't mind them hanging around for a chat for some hours. Come to think of it, maybe it was this sort of generosity that ended up killing the golden goose!

Work at school continues without abatement or even without so much as a truce: by this stage of the year, we can usually negotiate a little with ourselves to call off the foot soldiers from the flanks. However, it seems that the full army is firmly entrenched in the battlefield for the foreseeable future as Cass starts to rehearse her "Back-to-School Night" presentations and we both get ready for camp, which is rushing towards us in just a couple of weeks. Of course, I'll experience first hand the privations of the Grade 8 camp this year....could be interesting (or insert other adjective here for your own amusement!) All the while, of course, while planning and teaching our not insignificant personal schedules. Oh well, first world problems and all that!
 I've given up on Auster's "4,3,2,1" and have taken solace in the comfortable Lee Child's recent Jack Reacher. Cass, despite discussing the book already at book club, is determined to finish: she's not a quitter! Photos: The Moop returns in a local park and images from the steps, including the impressive pumps employed by the side of the trail.